![]() ![]() In fact, several experiments have found that people with low self-esteem who were asked to write down “I’m a lovable person” repeatedly became less happy in the process. This could worsen their low self-esteem, as people struggle to reassert their existing self-images against the incoming messages. Then they automatically reject the affirmation because it threatens the coherence of their sense of self, a strong driver within us. ![]() This is because, given that it’s usually people with low self esteem who seek affirmation, when they say an affirmative phrase like “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better” to themselves over and over, it clashes with their poor self-image. This has been demonstrated in the so-called white bear challenge: if you’re told to not think about a white bear, you can’t help but think about a white bear.Īffirmations, those peppy, self-congratulatory phrases designed to make readers feel happier through repetition, can also be ultimately counterproductive. The ironic process theory states that when you try to suppress certain thoughts or behaviors, they (ironically) end up becoming more prevalent. But perhaps our urge to have everything perfect is a big part of what’s wrong. Most of us would like everything in life to be just right. In one survey, Nigeria, where 92% of the population lives on less than two dollars a day, came in first place. Similarly, international studies have shown that some of the world’s poorest countries are the happiest. ![]() ![]() Above a certain basic level of income, making more and more money doesn’t make us happier and happier. And yet, one of the best-known general findings of the “science of happiness” is that most of the advantages of modern life haven’t lifted our collective mood. Indeed, it was later revealed that the Yale Study of Goals never took place at all.įinally, self-help books often imply that a person’s level of happiness corresponds to their level of wealth. This study would be great evidence that writing down goals could secure future success – if it weren’t a fake. Two decades later, when members of the class were located and asked how their lives had turned out, lo and behold, the 3% who had written down their goals had amassed greater financial wealth than the other 97% combined. In this study, students from Yale’s graduating class of 1953 were asked whether they had concrete, written-down goals for their lives. Several best-selling books on the importance of setting goals quote the so-called Yale Study of Goals. But if you strip away the shiny covers and flashy slogans, it won’t take you long to realize that the messages they contain are completely banal.įor example, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the bestselling self-help books of all time, essentially instructs readers to decide what matters most to them in life and do it.Ī similar bestseller, How to Win Friends and Influence People, advises readers to be pleasant rather than obnoxious, and to use people’s first names a lot.Īnd some of these books aren’t just banal – they’re downright false. The plethora of self-help books promising its readers a better life speaks to our culture’s obsession with achieving happiness. ![]()
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